Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Walmart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrace.

The Walmart greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Walmart.  Nice children you have there.  Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't.  The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.  Why the hell would you think they're twins?  Are you blind or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter.  "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.  Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at Walmart."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to his doctor in Estero to get a physical.  A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.  After a couple of days, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

"Just doing what you said, Doc, 'Get a hot mamma, and be cheerful,'" Morris replied.

To which the doctor replied, "I didn't say that, Morris.  I said, you've got a heart murmur, be careful!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida adult community.  A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench.  After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"

He replies, "I lived here years ago."

"So, where were you all these years?"

"In prison," he says.

"Why did they put you in prison?"

He looks at her, and very quietly says, "I killed my wife."

"Oh!" said the woman, sliding down the bench to be closer to him, "So you're single . . . ?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

A Chicago salesman is on a business trip to Boston and had a few hours to kill before catching a plane home.  Remembering an old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver, "Say, do you know where I could get scrod around her?"

The driver replied, "Pal, I've heard that question a thousand times, but this is the first time in the passive pluperfect subjunctive."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.  Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.  Is that right?"

"Yes, that's right," I told her.

"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible.  He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.

She pushed him away.  "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.

"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.

"Really," she said, softening.  "How many models have there been?"

"Four," he replied.  "A jug, two apples, and a vase."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

 "How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the roommate answered.  "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow!  That's a very expensive car.  What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

A man walks into a Bank, gets in line, and when it was his turn, he pulls out a gun . . . and robs the Bank! . . . But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses . . . He turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this Bank?"

The customer replies, "YES."

The bank robber raises his gun, points it at the guy's head, and BANG!!!!!  ---shoots him in the head and kills him!

He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man . . . "DID . . . YOU . . . SEE . . . ME . . . ROB THIS BANK?

The man calmly responds . . . "No . . . But my wife did!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

TEACHER:  Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD:  HIJKLMNO.

TEACHER:  What are you talking about?

DONALD:  Well, yesterday you said it was H to O.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

Barry took a girl out on her first date.  When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything."

"Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"

"No," the girl replied.

"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"

"N-n-no," the girl replied.

"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the level about this."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS:  Yes.

ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS:  I forget.

ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

A man enters a full elevator and shouts, "Ballroom please."

A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.  She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.  The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.  I call the police for help, and what do they do?  They send me a BLIND policeman."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays.  He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed.  He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where do ya'll go to school?"

The co-ed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but answered his question, "Yale."

The Georgia student took a big, deep, breath and shouted, "WHERE DO YA'LL GO TO SCHOOL?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay?  What school did you go to?

WITNESS:  Oral.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

When I joined the military it was illegal to be homosexual, then it became optional.  I'm getting out before it becomes mandatory.  ---Anonymous Military Personnel

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.  "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother.  "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.  She was stark naked!

As I was reeling from the shock, I heard by five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom!  That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct.  Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments then asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010