LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #314 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Life on the Etch-A-Sketch help desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?

A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?

A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?

A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?

A: Don't shake it.  

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #310 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #307 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.  To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.  You want it, you take it."

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.  It looked too good to be true.

So, he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50.00."

The next day someone stole it.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #306 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit much," siad Tim.

So, she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Time complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #300 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

My wife said, "Whatcha doin' today?"

I said, "Nothing."

She said, "You did that yesterday."

I said, "I wasn't finished!!!"


Do to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.  We apologize for any inconvenience.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #299 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A couple drove down a country road for several miles not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #294 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Marriage changes passion.  Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.  So I said, "Implants?"  She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #293 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use in a day --- 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #291 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain."

"God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me."

"God made me stupid, so I would be attracted to you."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #289 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore.

She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #284 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are ten billion-trillion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #279 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #277 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Big inspection on a building site.

The boss tells workers: "Whatever happens, just act as usual."

The inspection committee was inspecting when a wall just collapses.

(Worker, looking at his watch) --- "10:15, just on time! "

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #273 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #265 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #264 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.

During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.

The caller asked for the little girl's mother.

The 4-year-old daughter replied, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.  She's hitting the bottle."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #259 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"

God: "To me, it's about a minute."

The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"

God: "To me it's a penny."

The man: "God, may I have a penney?

God: "Wait a minute."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #255 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60 years old . . .  Now he's 97 years old, and we don't know where the hell he is.


I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.


I have to walk early in the morning . . . before my brain figures out what the hell I'm doing.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #252 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.  When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. 

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #246 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II