LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30.

One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

"Dammit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #12 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

There's this blond out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blond on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!,” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?”
The second blond looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.”

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #11 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A Pole goes to the ophthalmologist who shows him a card with the letters

'C Z W X N Q S T A C Z'.

"Can you read this?" he asks.

"Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #10 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.  She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”  A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I'd throw up.”

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #8 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Two blonds living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blond says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?'
The other blond turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #7 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you came along.

Whatever it is I'm against it.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #2 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #314 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Life on the Etch-A-Sketch help desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?

A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?

A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?

A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?

A: Don't shake it.  

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #310 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #307 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.  To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.  You want it, you take it."

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.  It looked too good to be true.

So, he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50.00."

The next day someone stole it.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #306 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit much," siad Tim.

So, she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Time complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #300 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

My wife said, "Whatcha doin' today?"

I said, "Nothing."

She said, "You did that yesterday."

I said, "I wasn't finished!!!"


Do to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.  We apologize for any inconvenience.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #299 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A couple drove down a country road for several miles not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #294 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Marriage changes passion.  Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.  So I said, "Implants?"  She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #293 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use in a day --- 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #291 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain."

"God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me."

"God made me stupid, so I would be attracted to you."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #289 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore.

She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #284 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are ten billion-trillion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #279 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #277 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Big inspection on a building site.

The boss tells workers: "Whatever happens, just act as usual."

The inspection committee was inspecting when a wall just collapses.

(Worker, looking at his watch) --- "10:15, just on time! "

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #273 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II