Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said, "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet
From Day #293 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II