Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #116 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Friday, November 30, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
A man and a parrot sit next to each other in a plane. The service in the plane is really bad, the man hasn’t had a drink for hours and he’s starting to dehydrate. The parrot on the other hand is getting drink after drink by the harrowed cabin crew. Each time the parrot orders a drink it does so with a lot of cursing and shouting. The man decides to follow the same tactic and starts shouting: “he b*tch get me a whiskey!”. To his surprise he gets his whiskey and follows through with the same tactic. Soon, both man and parrot outdo each other in shouting and insults until the cabin crew has had enough. They grab the man and parrot and throw them out of the plane. Now both of them are plummeting towards the ground below when the parrot says to the man: “boy, for someone who can’t fly you sure do curse a lot”.
From Day #116 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
From Day #116 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Friday, November 23, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
WHO’S GUILTY HERE?…A wife is dreaming, wakes up and shouts “Quick…my husband’s home!” Her husband wakes up and jumps out the window.
I hate weddings because old people always poke you and say, “You’re next.” … So I started doing the same to them at funerals!
Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until they get married?
Dad: that’s true in every country, son.
A blonde just texted me and asked “what does idk stand for?
I said “I don’t know.”
She said “omg! nobody does!”
Fact of Life. After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.
A single spelling mistake that caused a divorce: A man went to Amsterdam and sent his wife a message “having the most amazing time here, wish you were her!”
A man comes home and shouts, honey pack your bags I won the LOTTERY. She screams oh my god, what should I pack? He says everything you got to go!”
From Day #115 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
I hate weddings because old people always poke you and say, “You’re next.” … So I started doing the same to them at funerals!
Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until they get married?
Dad: that’s true in every country, son.
A blonde just texted me and asked “what does idk stand for?
I said “I don’t know.”
She said “omg! nobody does!”
Fact of Life. After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.
A single spelling mistake that caused a divorce: A man went to Amsterdam and sent his wife a message “having the most amazing time here, wish you were her!”
A man comes home and shouts, honey pack your bags I won the LOTTERY. She screams oh my god, what should I pack? He says everything you got to go!”
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #115 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Friday, November 16, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
I finally got my head together and my body fell apart.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting time.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
If at first you don't succeed, see whether the loser gets anything.
From Day #112 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
I finally got my head together and my body fell apart.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting time.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
If at first you don't succeed, see whether the loser gets anything.
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #112 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Friday, November 9, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
The solemn-faced man entered the diner and took the lunch counter stool next to mine. The smiling waiter greeted the new customer and asked if he'd like the daily special.
"What is it?" queried the unsmiling newcomer.
"Beef tongue sandwich," the waiter replied, still smiling.
With the most disgusted expression on his face imaginable, the man growled, "I wouldn't THINK of eating something that came out of an animal's mouth!"
"Yes, sir," the undaunted waiter said; "Would you like a menu, then?"
To which the finicky guy responded, "Oh, no -- just give me a fried egg sandwich please.
From Day #111 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
"What is it?" queried the unsmiling newcomer.
"Beef tongue sandwich," the waiter replied, still smiling.
With the most disgusted expression on his face imaginable, the man growled, "I wouldn't THINK of eating something that came out of an animal's mouth!"
"Yes, sir," the undaunted waiter said; "Would you like a menu, then?"
To which the finicky guy responded, "Oh, no -- just give me a fried egg sandwich please.
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #111 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Friday, November 2, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.
Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but not for those who still are.
Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
Forget all that stuff about lift, gravity, thrust and drag. An airplane flies because of money. If God had meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money (or, according to Benny Hill, free airline tickets).
From Day #102 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.
Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but not for those who still are.
Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
Forget all that stuff about lift, gravity, thrust and drag. An airplane flies because of money. If God had meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money (or, according to Benny Hill, free airline tickets).
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #102 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
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