LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later . . . "Da - a - a - d . . ."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty.  Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No.  You had your chance.  Lights out."

Five minutes later . . . "Da - a - a - d . . ."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY.  Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO!  If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!"

Five minutes later . . .  "Da - a - a - a - a - a - a - a - a - a - d . . ."

WHAT!"

"When you come in to smack me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #202 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #201 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A little boy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.  Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine . . . ."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mum."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #200 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Two blonds are walking down the street.  One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.  She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blond says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blond hands her the compact.

The wecond one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #198 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day.

The blond driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.

It isn't very long before a police car arrives.

The officer clearly enraged, approaches the blond of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What's going on here?"

"My car broke down, officer," says the woman calmly.

"Well, what in the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" he asks.

"Hel-l-l-l-oooooooo!!!" says the blond.  "Those are my emergency flashers!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #197 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II