LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.


Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.


A little girl came home from school and said: "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something I didn't do."

"That's terrible! I'm going to speak to your teacher about it. Now what was it that you didn't do?"

"My homework."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #23 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
 
"Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me?" she asks. "I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently
.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him", she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #23 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

The father of a young girl is late leaving the office when he remembers that it is his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a birthday present. He stops at a toy store and asks the sales clerk, " How much is the Barbie in the window?" 

The condescending sales clerk says, " Which Barbie? We have Barbie GoesTo the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Plays Volleyball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes To The Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Dancing For $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95." 

The surprised father asks, " Why does Divorced Barbie cost $265.95 while all the others cost only $19.95?" 

The sales clerk replies self-assuredly, "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture and Ken's computer."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #22 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blond behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #18 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. The bum says, "Mister, can you spare a dollar?"
The man thinks a minute. Then he asks the bum, "If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to buy liquor?"
"No," says the bum.
The man then asks, "If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?"
Again the bum says, "No."
So the man says to the bum, "Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn't drink or gamble?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #17 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II