LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #307 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.  To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.  You want it, you take it."

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.  It looked too good to be true.

So, he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50.00."

The next day someone stole it.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #306 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit much," siad Tim.

So, she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Time complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #300 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

My wife said, "Whatcha doin' today?"

I said, "Nothing."

She said, "You did that yesterday."

I said, "I wasn't finished!!!"


Do to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.  We apologize for any inconvenience.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #299 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A couple drove down a country road for several miles not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #294 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Marriage changes passion.  Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.  So I said, "Implants?"  She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #293 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use in a day --- 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #291 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain."

"God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me."

"God made me stupid, so I would be attracted to you."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #289 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore.

She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #284 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are ten billion-trillion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #279 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #277 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Big inspection on a building site.

The boss tells workers: "Whatever happens, just act as usual."

The inspection committee was inspecting when a wall just collapses.

(Worker, looking at his watch) --- "10:15, just on time! "

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #273 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #265 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #264 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.

During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.

The caller asked for the little girl's mother.

The 4-year-old daughter replied, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.  She's hitting the bottle."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #259 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"

God: "To me, it's about a minute."

The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"

God: "To me it's a penny."

The man: "God, may I have a penney?

God: "Wait a minute."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #255 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60 years old . . .  Now he's 97 years old, and we don't know where the hell he is.


I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.


I have to walk early in the morning . . . before my brain figures out what the hell I'm doing.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #252 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.  When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. 

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #246 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."



A cop, stopping a drunk, asks, "Can you explain why you're out at this hour?"

"If I could," the drunk said, "I'd be home by now!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #244 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.  

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #235 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #233 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan.

The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"

"No," replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."

The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"

"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. 

The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains.  "I mount dead animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys!  He's one of us!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #232 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community.  A man walked over and sat down on the other end of the bench.

After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"

He replies, "I lived here years ago."


"So, where were you all these years?"


"In prison," he says.


"Why did they put you in prison?"


He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."


"Oh!" said the woman.  "So you're single . . . ?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #229 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver-side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!"

His reply, "I know.  I already got that side."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #224 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

In a recent USA survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, a huge 86% of Detroit residents said that they have had sex in the shower.

The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison . . . yet . . .

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #220 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.  Can I get a new attorney?

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #218 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blond) picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #216 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #215 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.

What did the blond say when she found she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #214 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Two good old Southern boys were driving a truck through the back roads of West Virginia when they came to an overpass with a "CLEARANCE: 11 Feet" sign.

They got out and measured their rig, which was over 12 feet tall.

"Waddaya think?" asked one, as they climbed back into the cab.

The other replied, "Hell, there ain't a cop in sight.  Let's take a chance.".

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #212 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar.

Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves, and yelled, "I resent that!"

The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redneck.

The redneck looked at him and said, "You stay outta this, I'm talking to the guy on your lap!!!!!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #211 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A Frickin' Elephant:

Jake is 5 and learning to read.  He points at a picture in a zoo book and says,  "Look Mama!  It's a frickin' Elephant!"

Deep breath . . . "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama!  It says so on the picture!"

 . . . and so it does . . .
 
"A f r i c a n Elephant."

Hooked on phonics!!!!  Ain't it wonderful?

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #210 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A blond suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her so she goes out and buys a gun.  She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blond is really angry.  

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief . . .

She takes the gun and puts it to her head . . .

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blond replies, "Shut up,  you're next!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #208 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A recent study conducted by Harvard University found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcoholic beverage a year.

This means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
 

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #206 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A little old man shuffled slowly into the "Orange Dipper," an ice cream parlor in Naples.

He pulled himself slowly and painfully up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "hemorrhoids."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #203 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later . . . "Da - a - a - d . . ."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty.  Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No.  You had your chance.  Lights out."

Five minutes later . . . "Da - a - a - d . . ."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY.  Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO!  If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!"

Five minutes later . . .  "Da - a - a - a - a - a - a - a - a - a - d . . ."

WHAT!"

"When you come in to smack me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #202 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #201 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A little boy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.  Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine . . . ."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mum."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #200 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Two blonds are walking down the street.  One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.  She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blond says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blond hands her the compact.

The wecond one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #198 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day.

The blond driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.

It isn't very long before a police car arrives.

The officer clearly enraged, approaches the blond of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What's going on here?"

"My car broke down, officer," says the woman calmly.

"Well, what in the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" he asks.

"Hel-l-l-l-oooooooo!!!" says the blond.  "Those are my emergency flashers!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #197 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some

Two Rednecks are sittin' in a boat on the lake fishing and suckin' down beers when all of a sudden Woody says, "Ah think ah'm gonna divorce mah wife---she hain't spoke to me in over six months."

Bubba slowly sips his beer and says, "Ya'll better think it over--wimmen like that are hard to find."

"I want my husband to pay attention to me," says the woman to the clerk behind the counter.  "Do you have any perfume that smells like a computer?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #194 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A very depressed man walks into a bar.  He sits down on a stool and orders a triple scotch.  He quickly downs his drink and orders another.  The bartender, seeing the man is in some distress, asks if he is all right.  The man replies, "I just came home early from work and found my wife in bed with my best friend.  I told her to pack her bags and go, it's finished between us."

The bartender said, "What about your friend?"

The man replied, "I looked him straight in the eye and said . . . BAD DOG!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #180 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty people from Detroit showed up.

Never having seen anyone from Detroit at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God.

After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous people from the group.

A few minutes later, St. Peter returned to God, breathless, and said, "They're gone!"

"What? All of the Detroiters are gone?" asked God.

"No!" replied Saint Peter.  "The Pearly Gates!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #189 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.


Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.


Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the dog.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #186 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope!  Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #184 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

What do you get from a pampered cow?  Spoiled milk.


What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?  Frostbite.


What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?  A nervous wreck.


What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?  Anyone can roast beef.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #180 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).

For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls."

As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end, my curiosity got the best of me, and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?"

Her response, "Because we always finish our prayers by saying, "All Men"!

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #179 in a complete manuscript  compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
          1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
          2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
                                        --Patrick Murray

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.  It's called marriage."
                                          --Sam Kinison

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #178 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer.

 

The Texan says, "Takes me a whole day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other."

 

The Kerry farmer says, "Ah sure, I know, sir.  We have tractors like that over here, too."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #176 in a complete manuscript  compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

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A man was telling his neighbor in Miami, "I just bought a new hearing aid.  It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.  It's perfect."

 

"Really," answered the neighbor, "What kind is it?"

 

"Twelve thirty."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #167 in a complete manuscript  compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.  However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.  After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said.  "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #166 in a complete manuscript  compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

LAUGH . . . And then some!

"I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly.  "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake.  What a dream."

"I had a great dream too," said the other.  "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life."

His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?"

"Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #164 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II.